I fucking love Tolstoy

He was in the position of a man seeking food in toy shops and tool shops.

Tolstoy, Leo. Anna Karenina

I never read much fiction. I just always thought I could learn more from non-fiction. But after reading Existential philosophers that referred to Dostoevsky and Tolstoy, I thought I’d give Russian Lit a try.

I started with “Brothers Karamazov” and “Notes from the Underground.” I appreciated the philosophical ideas weaved into the characters, but it didn’t really grip me. You can see yourself in each of the characters, but not in a compelling way.

For me, Tolstoy, on the other hand, writes in a way that has relatable characters that you feel for. He’s tapped into the human condition. And this is something only fiction can do. It’s one thing to explain human behavior, but another to experience it. I’ve never been emotionally moved by something I’ve read, but there have been two instances in “War and Peace” that genuinely evoked emotion. I’m still shocked that it happened.

The quote above rang true to my existential dread that I’ve been having. I could busy myself with toys and tools, but I wasn’t finding the food that provides sustenance for a meaningful life.

And speaking of food, he’s a vegetarian. His essay, “The First Step,” says the first thing to lead a moral life is to abstain from eating meat. I’d say it’s in the same vein as my saying that our food choices are an everyday moral act in a previous post.

…the problem of the vanity and uselessness of all earthly things, that had incessantly tormented him, no longer presented itself. That terrible question “Why?” “Wherefore?” which had come to him amid every occupation, was now replaced, not by another question or by a reply to the former question, but by her image.

Tolstoy, Leo. War And Peace

My existential anxiety has subsided recently. Partly due to the weather and partly due to volunteering at the Berkeley Humane Society. But I think Tolstoy nails it on the head. It’s mostly because I’ve been enjoying my time with Tina. She just makes my worries go away.