I decided a month ago to try going off of lexapro. I was pretty on the fence on it, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I was just curious what life would feel like without it, and if I have reframed my anxiety. The thing that tipped me over was being in a relationship and lexapro definitely affected my libido. I was feeling good after cutting the dose in half, so I accelerated the recommended taper timeframe by 4x. (sorry to my therapist and psychiatrist).
I’ve been off of it for about a week, and this last weekend the Hamas terrorist attacked happened. I was actually at a music festival, so seeing the imagery taken from the attack at a festival definitely shook me. The shock was mostly sadness and fear. The next day it shifted to anxiety. Not only the existential dread of world war and terrorism, but the social media polarized commentary. I get anxiety because people can’t seem to have a conversation about anything. Palestine - Israel as complex as it gets, that’s probably unsolvable. But I got reminded of the tribalism and reductionism that leads to our polarization.
That anxiety did subside after a few days. And I still think that anxiety is good to have, it’s a sign that it is something to worry about. So I think my general anxiety disorder is in at least remission.
Other stuff:
I had a define the relationship conversation with Tina. I said I’m ready to make it official, but she thinks it’s still early since we both have been traveling so much. I was ready for that possibility coming into it, but it stung a bit. I’m not worried though.
I’m doing my last class for my “philosophy graduate certificate” through harvard extension. I’ve been toying with the idea with a philosophy phd but I hate writing. I think I’ll go into something more practical, like social psychology or political science.
I think my dream ‘job’ would be opening a bike shop that builds custom bikes and using that money to fix up donated bikes so underprivileged people can ride mountain bikes. But for now I got bigger filet o fish to fry.
My primary project is to start a nonprofit around meat offsets. It’s like carbon offsets…but for meat. That’s in the process of filing, so will update more later.
Secondary I still want to create some art. Still something around time. Being in the moment. Or our limited time here. Or our relationship to the past, present and future. I like hour glass/sand, gears, and pendulum imagery. That’s all I got.