So, it’s been a while since my last post. Haven’t felt an urge to write, not that I enjoy writing to begin with. My anxiety has had a slight uptick since coming off of lexapro. I think it’s been a combination of becoming fully off of it, and the days becoming shorter. Before my anxiety started, I never really had seasonal affect disorder, but definitely notice it a lot more now.
The anxiety isn’t nearly as bad as it was during covid. There’s just small thoughts about existential dread of meaninglessness. These feelings I’ve had before covid. One of my aunts passed away and her funeral was last week. Her death was a reminder of the tragic final destination that we all have.
I wasn’t very close with my aunt, we didn’t speak the same language. But she was always a positive person that always had a smile on her face. I got really sad thinking about how I won’t be able to see that smile again. I then got really sad thinking about how little time I probably have left with my parents.
But I had a mix of emotions. There’s gratitude that comes with death, that we get a chance to live at all is a blessing. I am not that close to my extended family, but seeing the power of the comfort that everyone gave each other was moving. So in some ways, the funeral helped alleviate some anxiety around death.
Having a girlfriend (yes we’re official) has been great, but my routine has been really shook up and I haven’t had time to foster and volunteer for the humane society. I also used to bake more for my friends and neighbors. So I definitely have to be more dedicated in carving time in for those. And the days are getting nicer and longer so looking forward to the new year.