This past week, we had a friend pass away from our burning man camp and his memorial was saturday. The more I study philosophy I thought I’d be more comfortable with death, but it still hit me pretty hard. I didn’t know him very well which I thought would make it have less of an impact.
It’s a mix of things that create an intense sadness. The thought of not seeing him again. Seeing how sad the family is and knowing they will be suffering for a long time. Watching the mom was the worst. I can imagine when a person passes, they can have hope in their children to continue an amazing life. There’s also a feeling of injustice. Why does this happen to a good person. Which melds with the feeling of despair in a cold world that does not care about justice or our finitude.
I wouldn’t say I’m depressed from it, but it came with an intense sadness. And the sadness is good, it’s important to feel, to get a salience of the importance of our time.
I bought pizza for my friend george and me, after the memorial. I got a vegan one, his a standard. He’s was still a little unclear of my feeling towards not eating dairy. What is not widely known is with eggs and dairy, the male chicks and calves are killed. And although new life is brought into the world, half are killed. With the gravity that I put on death, I don’t think I can come to terms with that.