Proud Moments

I don’t take pride in many accomplishments. They all seem kind of relative and arbitrary. Which also makes me not a competitive person. It doesn’t seem to really matter in the end.

So it was a rare event that I had a proud moment. My friends and I were getting pizza at a place and I ordered a pizza with no cheese as a part of promise to Gary. I didn’t think too much of it when I ordered it, but when it came out and people asked about it, it gave me a sense of pride. That’s what’s interesting and kind of paradoxical. I knew to myself that I could keep my promise, and that’s truly what matters. But showing to my friends that I was making a statement gave me a more emotional sense of accomplishment. But it shouldn’t really matter what they think as long as I’m true to myself.

And it wasn’t trying to make it a point to them, that I’m in a better moral standing. I make sure to not chastise people for their choices. It just felt good for them to see it.

It’s been a while since I read “Atomic Habits.” There’s a hypothesis in there that isn’t scientifically backed that says when you do a public display it helps reinforce that habit and your identity. I definitely notice this specifically when I take the stairs at the airport. It’s a signal to the people around on the escalators that I like to do exercise. It feels good. I try hard to not care what people think of me, especially random strangers. But there’s a subconscious feeling that comes with public displays.

Which is great because it keeps me motivated to do what I believe in.