I mentioned Arthur Brooks in my last post. He’s been doing a round of podcasts because he just released a new book with Oprah that’s a more practical guide to happiness. He talks about one of the problems with online dating is the paradox of choice, and that most people are narcissists and choose people that are like themselves. I’d say both of those definitely rang true for me.
I’ve been asked a lot why I haven’t found a girlfriend yet. It’s definitely something I keep tabs on in therapy. I even volunteered and went on a mock date with another therapist with my own therapist watching to see if I’m a bad dater. The main push was to be more open for multiple dates, that chemistry sometimes takes a while to develop. I had a previous tendency to write people off after the first date, so I thought it’d be a long slog.
But then I met Tina. Well we actually met 8 years ago through a mutual friend at a Cal-USC game. We barely talked to each other then, and when I saw her on Hinge, we matched and met up. We took our dogs to the park and I was stricken by how she treats her dog Luna. Luna would kind of do what she wanted, within reason. Sniff lots of things, dig holes, roll around in the grass, and Tina wouldn’t get upset. She let’s Luna be who she wants to be. I’m pretty much the same way with Gabby. Sure, she likes to bite people sometimes, but she’s just expressing her emotions. We just let them be.
I didn’t hesitate to ask for another date, and many more. It just felt easy and right. We would get dinner or take our dogs on a hike. When friends asked how the dates were, I’d just say they’re “good.” And not to get their hopes up. I’m not sure what I expected, when I found someone that I really got along with. Such a foreign feeling.
She came up to visit me in Squamish, BC for 2 days and besides really enjoying our time together, there were a few random things that really stood out to me. We happened upon a rare bookstore, and we had a great time with the store owner. We then went to Le Labo to survey the city only smells and she made the conversion from $80 CAD to $58 USD on a guess from the top of her head that was on the money. I happen to make imperial to metric conversions in my head for fun (and to think I’m warding off dementia). And she casually used the words ‘macabre’ and ‘pithy’ in conversation. I meanwhile have to crowbar in words that I learned from recent readings.
In the end, I just like hanging out with her. She’s open minded, smart, observant, and confidant. Which I like to think I am. So fuck off Arthur Brooks! (but I’ll still buy your book (even though you’re a sell out to work with Oprah)).